Mood:
caffeinatedNow Playing: Here in Your Arms - Hellogoodbye
1. Walk past the host stand to seat yourself in their section, then complain that your server didn't bring you any menus.
2. On that note, get the host to put you on the waiting list, but get irritable five minutes into it, and seat yourself at a dirty table. Then complain that the table is dirty and that your server didn't give you any menus. [You're already fucking up the rotation, jackass, you think you could be civil from here on out?!]
3. Order coffee with cream. After putting about three creams in your coffee, complain that it is lukewarm, not hot enough for you. [The cream isn't microwaved, bitch. I'm sorry, I mistakenly thought you wanted it refrigerated.]
4. Order a burger and asking for it to be "well-done, but not burnt." I can't help how the kitchen cooks it, but I can help how we fix it after the problem has arose. Let's expect the best, and if that doesn't happen, we'll go from there.
5. Let your kids trash your server's section, then stiffing them. Keep your crotch fruit at home if you're not willing to compensate for the God-forsaken mess they make. [Thank you to my server at the awful Waffle Friday night for the term "crotch fruit." Props to you.]
6. Bring your entire extended family for a meal on the busiest shift of the week, then each one of you order a drink plus a water. [Your gene pool is full of cunts.]
7. Come in ten minutes before the kitchen closes down, and ordering an assload of food. [We're trying to get home, jackass. Try curbing your appetite by changing your lifestlye. Get your pot-smoking done earlier so we can feed you at a decent hour. Plus, we can all smell you from the middle of the restaurant.]
8. Be a dick to your server when your salad comes out looking like cole slaw. [Believe you me, I don't want you unhappy. I want as much of the money in your wallet to be put toward this check, so why in hell would I want this to happen?]
9. Order take-out, don't check your meal, and find every possible mistake. Call back and point out the problems, like we can do something about it. [Should've checked before you left genius. We can't fix it unless you come back. By the way, don't come back. You're a pain in the ass.]
10. Talk on the phone the whole time you're dining. [Go find this person and have a meal with them, you imbecile.]
11. Complain because you see your server sitting down. "Is my server on break?" [Yes, we are. If not, we're getting in a breather. Chill out.]
